I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
