i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
