I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
