2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
