it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
