Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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