sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
