no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
