my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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