I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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