I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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