I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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