I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
