i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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