She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
