highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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