I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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