Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
