I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
