can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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