Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
