At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
