remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
