My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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