My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
