i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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