My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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