I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
