I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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