Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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