There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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