We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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