I am puke
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
