I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize