YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
