I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
