"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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