Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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