P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
