No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
