dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
