Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
