I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
