Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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