we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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