i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize