Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
