Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
