I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm passing your future prison.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
