do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I want to be your penis for a week.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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