Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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