I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
