I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
