Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
