She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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