I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
