we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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