whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
