i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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