Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
do nipples grow back?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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