I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
