My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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