I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
