just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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