I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I love you.
Bad choice
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