Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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