My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
