I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
