when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
