I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Im part way to drunk.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
